In order to feel complex and deep emotions for someone in dating, we need to take risks.
I don’t mean to hurt people or make them crazy it’s just what I think inside!
It is only in the middle stages where the imperfections are seen that larger issues can begin to develop.
The “I don’t need you or want you” mentality isolates you from your own feelings and those of others. The crux of it is that there is an inability to love – both to feel it and to give it.
Consider the avoider mentality a huge flight or fight response.
If I run away and don’t open up that will solve the problem, but I want that closeness so badly. without willing to risk potential hurt and abandonment… This leads to all that unknown insecurity, inability to express emotion, and fear of rejection.
The insecurity and unknown burrows into your brain like a parasite, constantly clawing at you and never relenting. You look for advice but nobody understands exactly what you’re going through, and you feel like you are alone. You can’t think of anyone else, you can’t do anything else. You live on the periphery of relationships, seeing others only as a means to an end. It is not necessary that both are felt, or to the same degree, but one of the two is present.
You hate the feelings of the unknown that cause the tightness in your chest, that choke your throat. The abandonments from the past hurt too much that you can’t sustain anything further. Avoiders believe that they can handle things themselves and shouldn’t rely on anyone else, especially in hard times when support is needed.