Similarly, how do you feel about someone who usually greets you with a smile and positive comment versus someone who usually is critical or negative toward you?
Be friendly, give genuine compliments, be helpful and supportive, and show interest and listen effectively.
If your partner doesn't have these beliefs and values, they will be less affected by your efforts, but they still may react positively because of the fact that it was a sign of caring. People who care about others, treat others well, and have good interpersonal skills will generally be more successful with others than people who don't.
People who are too aggressive, dominating, or distancing or people who are too passive, submissive, or dependent may generally have problems forming close relationships.
Jerry came to counseling because he was tired of being so shy and wanted to be able to meet women and eventually marry and have a family.
He knew that his current path was not leading him in the right direction, and he was very upset about it. I helped him with conversational skills, assertiveness skills, and with building self-esteem and confidence. Nevertheless, within three years he became president of a fraternity, had all the dates he wanted, had lots of friends, and had changed his major to one requiring a high level of interpersonal skills.
Compare your degree of attachment/liking/closeness to a situation where all 10 contacts with the other person have left you feeling very unhappy.Or, one person could be unavailable because he/she is already in a committed relationship.Or, perhaps one or both are so busy, they don't give any priority or time to meeting others. For that reason, active searching for others and meeting many people statistically increases your odds of finding someone highly compatible to you.If you are also concerned about fear of rejection and lack of self-confidence, read my short self-help manual, Beyond Fear of Rejection and Loneliness to Self-Confidence at Levels of intimacy vary from no contact strangers to friends or lovers who are very similar in their most important-innermost parts of themselves, care greatly about each other; communicate in a completely free, open, and honest manner; are willing to make significant efforts or sacrifices for each other, and are in a long-term committed relationship.