However, Don’t Do What I Did: Casually go out on a date with a guy you have tepid feelings for to practice your French and because why not? There is a guy walking the streets of Paris who thinks I am a horrible person because I thought he and I were just– you know– “hanging out.” Maybe I have more Brooklyn dude in me than I thought. Not to be a downer but yes, break-ups in Paris do happen. They happen just as quickly as relationships start where you recall only weeks earlier when you were the butter to his baguette. You ask yourself staring down at your phone that you are convinced is blocking his phone calls. However, Don’t Do What I Did: Confuse his ring-less marriage proposal as a real one.
French men are painfully honest when they feel things have fizzled out and speaking from experience; it really hurts but it can be incredibly humbling. Because if he really liked it, he would have put a ring on it and not repeatedly tell you that it was at his aunt’s house.
And pressure is only felt by the one who wants to receive it. One man alone — French or not — is already complicated enough.…But the French are especially complicated.
Meanwhile, Americans ask you to “have dinner.” But is this an “I am asking you out”-type of question, or is it, “I am hungry, let’s go eat“? Is it annoying to date French guys here in America since you moved out of France? This is like asking me if it is annoying to eat croissants in New York.
I came here for the bagel adventure, but I hate cronuts.
A couple of nights ago, I was sitting in a restaurant with a mélange of expats and some poor Frenchies who had the misfortune of winding up in my presence. If French people stopped being so damn lazy and invested half of the time they spend complaining into actually doing something, magical things would happen.
With three functioning brain cells left to rub together after days of holiday boozing, I took a receipt and started mapping out a list of reasons why the spawn of Rimbaud and Baudelaire don’t seem to be doing it for me in the romantic sense. Cancer would be cured, the French economy would stop progressively going down the drain, unicorns would fly and procreate. However, I will argue in my defense and reinstate that hygiene in this country is suffering.