I've made it clear that I want to be official with him, so it's not like he fears rejection at this point. I know people will say it's different for each person, but I want to know at what point I'm being strung along. If he's into you and you know it, don't sweat a couple of words. these days, there seems to be a difference between exclusivity and being a couple. I always ask for exclusivity before any sleepovers. Following the exclusivity and sex, there is less urgency to make it to "couple"-dom. We agreed not to fool around with other people (but I know he could be). My husband and I were official right away since we got back together - the first time around that we dated it was less than 2 months, probably closer to a month.
Honestly, after like a month, if a guy doesn't at least bring up exclusivity, I'd back off. I don't want my guy having sex with multiple people while I am having sex with him. Unfortunately, if you don't specify that you want to be exclusive, you are more than likely not and there is a high probability that he is sleeping with others. If he wants to take 3 or even 6 months to introduce me to people and start having bf/gf expectations, I am a-ok with that. But we waited 5 months before the "real" sleepover ;-) Just to be clear, we do sexual things but we're not having sex.
In a recent post on Resurgence titled “5 Notes on Dating for the Guys,” Mars Hill Church Everett executive pastor Brandon Andersen seeks to help guys think about what it means to be “intentional” when talking to or dating a girl.
He lays out seven situations and prescriptively delineates the attitude a guy should have in each one.
For the most part, Andersen's piece spoon feeds us the same folk wisdom we've been hearing in the church since everyone freaked out when that first guy asked the first girl on a one-on-one date to get ice cream (I think the same folks are still freaking).
I am disappointed that we haven't modified our thinking about a cultural practice that has evolved immensely in good ways and bad.
I would like to pursue a relationship with you.” The unintentional man, a pitiful and unschooled antagonist, says things like, “Wanna hang out sometime?
(On the other hand, don't weird her out by talking about marriage on the first date.)” To paraphrase: Always be one step ahead of her emotionally and take on emotional responsibility for her. When you read the advice that way, you realize this is an impossible (and even unbiblical) standard.
Andersen writes, “The intentional man repeatedly and constantly goes first.” How does he go first, exactly? You can be intentional from the beginning, but let's define Christian intentionality this way: Self-consciously bringing my own plans, purposes, and preferences, within the boundaries of reasonable foresight, before Scripture.
How do you reconcile Andersen's exhortations “don't weird her out” and “he always lets the girl know where he stands”? Scripture doesn't demand relational clarity from day one.
Relationships in general are not so black-and-white, and they are far less so in the context of attraction and romance.
Yet he says that if you don't act black and white, you're falling short of your responsibilities as a man.